Shadows of Bankor

She'd done her part for the Resistance today, she felt. At least for now. Now she just needed to be alone. Decompress. Think things through.

At least the new environments were beautiful, Dove reflected as she walked along the beach. It almost gave her a sense of peace in the moment, and she found a decent spot to sit down and watch the sun starting to set.

"Kriff... I messed up badly, didn't I...?" she sighed and rubbed her neck. Dove couldn't remember the last time she'd messed up this badly.

Petrus had wandered out to watch the sunset, and to think. What was left of the sun on his face, and the cool sea breeze refreshed him. Which was good, because he certainly needed to be refreshed. Body, mind, and spirit.

His blue eyes narrowed as he spotted a familiar figure, widening a moment later as his mind caught up. Smiling, just a little, he made his way over to his friend, his booted feet padding softly in the sand.

Wordlessly, at least for the moment, he sat next to her, pulling one knee up, resting his arms on it. For a few moments he watched the sunset, then he looked over at Dove.

"Credit for your thoughts?" He murmured, smiling gently.

"Hey," she murmured first in greeting, before looking at him. "... And here I thought you folks were ascetic." She snorted a brief laugh and managed a smile.

"Sorry... I'm just... not feeling quite myself, with all this." Dove gestured in the direction of the new base. "Maybe if I had done something differently, this wouldn't have happened."

Petrus chuckled, even as he shrugged. "Well... only mostly. I mean, even before everything changed, we still needed to go out and do stuff in the real world from time to time. Take an aircab. Buy ice cream. That sort of thing."

His expression became more serious, blue eyes concerned as she went on. "Oh? What's wrong?" The concern grew as she went on. "What do you mean?"

"Buy ice cream," Dove snickered. She had a hard time imagening a jedi master stepping out onto the promenade on Coruscant for a scoop of ice cream in a waffle-cone.

"... It's my fault, isn't it? I got careless, I thought I had things under control, but I walked right into the trap - I didn't notice them tailing me or anything. That Admiral Yulani suspected me, and I played right into her hands."

Petrus' brow furrowed, a mix of concern and confusion. "Dove... I don't understand. What happened?" He spread his hands. "It sounds like you were being followed or something?"

He reached out, putting his hand on her shoulder for just a moment. "It's okay. Why don't you tell me about it?"

"Right..." she took a deep breath. It was unusual for her to not be cool and in control, especially in front of the kid, and she hated to admit that she was having a strained breakdown herself over her failure.

"You know how I was spying on the Inquisitor right? Well, I did that well for a good time now, feeding info to Yusandr and the others when I could, right? Well, the Admiral... she's way more dangerous than the Inquisitors, but in a different way. Sure she can't throw you around like a ragdoll with that Force-thing, but she's smart and she's tactical. She knows what to do and understands things."

Her lips pressed together for a moment. "So I had a bad feeling when she asked to see me specifically yesterday. But what choice did I have but to show up? So she knew about at least four the leaks, and had pointed out three of our fellow Resistance-folks as suspects. I figured she was putting me to the test in a way that I would fail and she could dispose of me on legit grounds without upsetting the Inquisitor. Turns out while I was working to undermine that effort of hers, she had people tailing me almost everywhere."

"And I didn't notice, Petrus. I thought I was observant and cautious enough, but I didn't notice."

Petrus listened quietly as Dove spoke, his expression thoughtful, his blue eyes still concerned. "Oh." He finally said. "Huh."

He considered this for a time. He wasn't the best at sensing emotion, but he didn't need to be. After all, he knew Dove pretty well. And he knew a little bit about what she was going through; the feeling of a making a mistake that lead to harm for someone else.

Finally, Petrus cleared his throat. "What Resistance people did she ask you to watch?"

Dove usually had it together pretty well. Even now she was still coping better than most would have in a situation like this - after all, she wasn't crying, or locking herself away. She'd been working at the base throughout the day. But there was something about her... the frayed edges, the tension in the jaw and shoulders.

It seemed even a genetically engineered spy could be pushed to their mental limits.

"Yusandr. Dak. Ria'la. Not completely illogical suspects, but I should've realised sooner that she knew the same as I did - that neither of them have the right training or skills to pull off getting that much info from the Imps. I knew she was dangerous, but I severely underestimated her." Dove swallowed the dryness in her throat. "She must've hoped the Inquisitor would kill me when she showed him the images of me with those three suspects, but he did not..."

She had been so certain he would have killed her for implied betrayal, true or not. But he had given her the info, and... let her go. "He just let me go."

Petrus had been going to let his hand fall away, but recognizing the tension in her, he gave her shoulder a little squeeze, instead. His hand was warm and strong, and... alive, somehow.

"But he didn't..." Petrus echoed, then sighed. "Xanna and Master Hin say that he was good, once. Maybe that's why. I dunno." He was silent for a moment. "But it gives me some hope. More hope, I mean; I've already got some." He smiled, just a little.

He gave her shoulder another squeeze. "It sounds like maybe he cares about you. I don't know. I never met the guy. What do you think?"

"I... have that hope too," she agreed, her tone soft. "He seemed different yesterday. I don't know what happened or exactly what it was, but something was different."

If he cared about her, Dove didn't really know. It wasn't the first time she had manipulated someone's feelings like that, but it was the first time she had done so for such a length of time. And it had blurred some lines for herself.

"Maybe. I don't know... it's complicated, Petrus."

Petrus just nodded. "Yeah." He said, looking out over the water.

After a few moments, he looked back at her. "Dove... if they knew Yusandr was Resistance, they already knew enough. She's the closest thing we have to a leader. With that, it was only a matter of time. Don't..." He took a breath, "-take on more guilt than you deserve, huh?"

He chewed his lip a moment. "I... kinda did the same sorta thing, once. So I think I get it, if that helps."

There was a brief chuckle. "I think it does... knowing that someone can understand you helps a lot more than you think. And I'm sure you understand it's hard to not blame yourself."

She managed a smile and put a hand on Petrus' shoulder in return. "But you were just a kid, you didn't do anything wrong. Meanwhile, I played with the fire, knowing all the dangers..."

"I do." Petrus said, nodding. "I get that. Huh." He shrugged, his shoulder moving under her touch; he actually had fairly well-defined muscles. "Maybe we can each believe the other, even if we don't believe ourselves? I dunno, does that work?"

He looked at her, his expression serious. "But Dove, I can't hide behind being a kid. I'm not. Definitely not now, and not really before. I was seventeen..." He sighed. "I'd fought, I'd even killed by then. I..." He took a deep breath. "I need to accept responsibility, but not guilt." He chuckled. "Easier said than done, right?"

"Easier said than done," she agreed with a chuckle as well. "I never really asked you about what you did back then, what happened, that made you so afraid, so full of guilt. Always I just assumed it was shell-shock, considering what they did. The clones."

Though Dove was surprised he had killed by then. It seemed Petrus had seen heavier action than she thought.

"Well, that was a good start." Petrus said smiling wanly. "We trusted them, you know? One saved me once, no doubt; pulled me back when I'd gotten pinned under blaster fire. And then suddenly they were trying to kill us. Master Donos and I weren't with a full squad. There were just two, and Master Donos sensed their intent, just soon enough to stop them. And so we got away."

He sighed, shoulders slumping. "For a little while, anyway. We ran, we got away, made it to Corellia. We were gonna keep going... I came across some troopers, harassing a Selonian family. When the beating started, I stepped in with my lightsaber. Didn't think about it, I just did it." That, actually, had been the first time he'd killed. Maybe that's why he didn't think.

There was a long pause. "Master Donos tried to get us passage sooner, but it was too late. The Inquisitors found us the next day. I should have realized, Corellia's so close to Coruscant, of course they'd be able to come after us..." He trailed off, shaking his head.

"Yet you did the right thing then, Petrus," now it was her turn to squeeze his shoulder. "You saved that family. It was the right thing to do."

She could guess what had happened. That the master had taken the fall to allow Petrus to escape. "Guess you were lucky that we found you first after that."

Petrus smiled. "I don't believe in luck, Dove. I believe in the Force." He smiled. "But all the same, I'm really glad you found me after that. Still, if you were wondering why I was kinda a mess..." He shook his head, chuckling dryly.

He sighed, looking at her again. "Even if it's the right thing to do... as a Jedi, I have to be aware of the consequences of my actions. I took that one without thinking." He paused, chewing his lip again. "But you're right. Even if I knew the consequences, that's something I still should have done. Huh."

His lips quirked. "So... that goes for you too, you know."

"I only thought the consequences would hurt me, not everyone else. It's how I've always operated; as a single person, I'm expendable. If I die on the job, doing what I was supposed to do, then as long as I managed to do my job I did something right." But having to have the fallout trigger on everyone like that, it hurt.

"Consequences is a terrible thing to have to live with it afterwards, especially when you're not the one who had to suffer the worst of it." Even as she said it, she was giving Petrus a friendly smile. They both understood it.

Petrus nodded. "I know what you mean. Although I still think you're a little too casual with your own life, y'know? But... maybe not." Petrus shrugged. "I guess a lot of Jedi would do the same thing."

He met her smile with one of his own. "Yeah... I know what you mean."

After a few moments, he cleared his throat. "Have you considered watching the holotube for about three years? You could get all caught up on Warrior's Heart..." He grinned impudently at her.

"Hah," she snorted a laugh at the suggestion of spending years watching an overacted overly dramatic Holo-soap. "I don't think I could do that. When I'm not doing stuff, I get restless - I need something to stay focused on."

Otherwise she'd go stir-crazy.

"I'll promise to be more careful with my life if you promise to do the same, kid."

"Me?" Petrus said, tilting his head to regard her. "You think I need to be more careful with my life. It's not like I've been taking a lot of risks, these past few years. Even now."

Well, risks, no. But he suddenly thought back to how little he regarded his life, until recently, even as he tried to preserve it.

"Yeah, but you're getting back to being more like who you used to be, I think, and that means doing all this... Jedi heroics." It felt odd to say the word openly now, but now the cat was out of the bag in a lot of ways with the Resistance.

"I don't want you throwing away your life trying to be heroic."

Petrus spread his hands. "Hey, don't worry, I mean, I'm still gonna try to do Jedi heroics. I'm a Jedi, after all. It's what I should be doing. And I think the galaxy needs a few more heroics; maybe it'll help other people figure out that they're heroes, too."

He smiled. "But believe me, we've got a deal. I'm not about to throw my life away. I dunno, there's been a lot of hard stuff recently, but I'm feeling hopeful." He shrugged. "Maybe I'm just an optimist. I don't know."

She laughed and squeezed his shoulder firmly. "Well, if you're now an optimist, I'll say you've come along way, kid. You've come a long way, and... I'm very proud of you. Very. Even when you're gonna do dumb Jedi heroics."

"But to change the subject," Dove easily slid on her normal confident smile, "how's it going with Xanna?"