Shadows of Bankor

Sacha looked out over the island from the cabin to where the sun was setting. She had tried to meditate earlier. Emphasis on tried. Her mind was constantly moving, reconsidering scenarios, overthinking things. It was a problem that Horus had brought to her attention and she'd noticed more as she'd begun her training here. And now... several days ago, she had realized who exactly it was she'd been working with.

Why hadn't she thought to ask? She hadn't hidden the fact that she was a former darjetii seeking redemption now. Not making the connection seemed stupid looking back on it. But shouldn't she be calm and let the past go or something?

It felt impossible to be calm with her thoughts wheeling into infinity. Not with the loss of so many so fresh. There was a saying that Mandalorians had short tempers and long memories. It wasn't entirely wrong, at least in her case. So she sat, watching the sunset instead of meditating properly, knees pulled up to her chest and arms resting on them.

Neela made her way up the hill she was returning from the Temple and had stopped to check her nets and had some fish.

Sacha rose and headed in her direction. The only way to resolve this was to talk to her. She couldn't keep stewing, letting it fester forever. She couldn't quite push down the anger as much as she wanted to. "... I think we need to talk."

Neela said, "About?"

She opened the door heading inside and put the fish on a table. The Chiss woman started the grisly work of gutting them.

"... First, is there anything I can do to help with that?"

"Second..." Best to be direct... "You're the one that came to our camp, aren't you?" It wasn't really a question. The combination of questions was an odd one. Even Sacha could acknowledge that. She knew she had odd priorities.

"Yes, it was me that killed your people," she said as she gutted the fish. "I now regret that decision, of course."

She grit her teeth, jaw shifting, anger rising. "Of course. Of course. I'll be sure to tell the foundlings that."

She put he knife down and said, "Another regret."

"And what do you plan to do with that regret?" She asked. With nothing to feed on, her anger was flickering and dying, the guilt for her own part that had prompted it rising instead. Hesitation, obsession, sadness; these were the negative emotions that came naturally. The short temper her people were supposed to have was harder to maintain.

"I was partly responsible for it. If I'd come up with something better, had a strategy for dealing with the inevitable response, maybe so many wouldn't have died... But I'm at least trying to make up for that."

"I would have killed them anyways as I was, I wanted you to feel misery and anger," she responded.

"Why? I don't get the point," she replied with a sigh.

Sacha Ordo wrote: ↑

Thu Feb 13, 2020 11:30 pm

"Why? I don't get the point," she replied with a sigh.

"Draw you to the Dark Side... misery loves company as they say," she said with a nod.

Neela Takee wrote: ↑

Thu Feb 13, 2020 11:35 pm

"Draw you to the Dark Side... misery loves company as they say," she said with a nod.

"Misery has a low bar for the company it wants to keep." It wasn't a good day for confidence.

"I sense you have more on your mind than my butchery," she asked.

"I should want revenge on you. It's a matter of honor," she said dully. "It is the Way."

"I don't. Which is a problem, because if I'm not following that, what am I doing? Things used to seem more clear."

"There is no one true path, the Jedi Code... the Way... in the end they are words. We can only live by what we believe is right," she offered.

"It does not invalidate your beliefs it just means that not every situation is covered by dogma."

"... What we believe it right, huh?" She murmured, half to herself. "It's hard to get used to the idea of moving forward on your own when you've spent your whole life following a path laid out clearly. Times like these, I'm not the only one feeling that, I bet."

"I live that existential question every day," she said.

She let the silence stretch out for a long time as she mulled everything over. She stared up at the ceiling for a while before she finally answered.

"... Thank you, by the way."

"For?" she asked a bit confused.

"Regardless of the rest of it, you've still been helping me a lot recently," she replied. "And listening. Even with your own problems going on."

"So, while I am angry, that still deserves appreciation."

"I am a Jedi, or I will be once more, it's what we are supposed to do," she said thoughtfully.

"People are supposed to do a lot of things, it doesn't mean they do it," she pointed out. "And you're doing it for me specifically, who you could've just as easily avoided, so I'm grateful."

"I just want to try and repair the damage done," she said as she returned to gutting the fish.

She let out a soft sigh. Sacha had a lot to think about, and Neela clearly had her own things to work through right now. "... All right. Just... Don't forget to look after yourself, too."

She shrugged and stepped out to head back toward Varo's Sword. She had a ship to fix. Despite everything, finally getting things out had helped, even if it wasn't the confrontation she'd initially expected.