No Man Is An Island (D6, EE)

[Dove Gray]

"I never ask the easy questions," she managed a brief chuckle at that. "But would you say that the clones were treated poorly? By the Jedi - or by the Republic?"

Dove didn't think the clones had done what they did simply because the Jedi had hurt their feelings or treated them badly. While she didn't have the knowledge of the Kaminoan-program, she knew there was a lot of mental conditioning going on for projects like that.

[Petrus Karath]

"I don't know. Not the Jedi, exactly. I mean, we looked out for them, and they looked out for us. Tried to keep each other alive. Their lives mattered to us. The Republic..." Petrus shrugged. "I just don't know."

He sighed. "It just seems strange that they fought and died for the Republic, and didn't have any choice in the matter, and didn't have any sorts of normal lives." He looked at her. "Isn't that... not right? It just doesn't seem right to me, somehow. But I guess we needed them, or someone did. Really, I'm not sure how decisions like that get made during a war."

[Dove Gray]

"Mm, it's a complicated issue. I mean, I can't speak for them - we're not exactly from the same creation. But, what I can say is that if they're similar to my own program, they were probably conditioned to be loyal to the Republic, no matter what. Think of it as psychological programming." She brushed her hair away from her face after a breeze had messed it up again. "Not too different from your Jedi training, actually. Just with a different purpose."

"You guys were conditioned to be a certain way as well. Though not to the same extend... there seems to have been more... variation, among the Jedi."

Dove shrugged. "I mean, if we had a clone here, we could probably ask him about it all."

[Petrus Karath]

Petrus brushed a hand through his own hair. It always looked a little messed up, but in a charming sort of way.

"You were conditioned?" Petrus frowned. "That's hard to imagine. It feels so much like you do what you want, at least from my point of view." He tilted his head, regarding her, trying to imagine her acting out some sort of programming. But... how could you tell the difference?

His lips parted, and he blinked, surprised. "Oh. I didn't think about it that way before." He said. His lips pressed together. "Maybe... that's why we didn't see it with the clones. It wasn't too different from us, in a way."

[Dove Gray]

"Well, that's the point, isn't it?" she snorted a laugh. "When done right, it becomes nature. Well... not all of me is conditioned - it's hard to avoid developing individual personalities eventually. It's what makes me and the clones better than droids. We can evolve and learn to change."

That Petrus saw things differently, or at least seemed to, was a good sign to her that he was also now engaging more in critical thinking of where the Jedi Order had gone wrong in the past. "Mm. It's just my view on things, but I don't feel it's too inaccurate."

"... And it makes me wonder what the Empire is doing to those who used to be Jedi," Dove sighed. "To make them turn around so much."

[Petrus Karath]

"Huh." Petrus said. "Evolve and change. I never thought about it that way, either. But it makes sense. The past shapes us..." His expression was thoughtful as he looked out over the ocean.

Slowly, he shook his head. "I think maybe I'm happier not knowing specifically. It'd probably be like looking into someone's soul. But... I think I could guess at the path. It's easy to turn one bad feeling into another. Fear of loss into jealous, or resentment, and from there into hate. I'll bet that's why they seem to want to destroy the things they used to care about; they were turned into weapons against them."

He sighed. "It always starts with fear, I'd bet. Unless that's just my own thing."

[Dove Gray]

Dove leaned over and gave Petrus a reassuring hug.

"Fear is only bad if you let it control you, Petrus. It's a natural thing to be afraid, and to listen to it sometimes." Maker knew she had been scared a lot in her life, but she'd just learn to roll with it sometimes. And as she had said to Dak, sometimes showing that fear was a way to have an upper hand.

"But it takes a lot more than just fear to turn someone around that much - so much that they're actively destroying themselves, their identities, and what they used to care about. Maybe as you say, it's turning the fear into other feelings."

She considered sharing some of what Valus had told her, but... a part of her felt it wasn't her place to share that particular piece. At least not today. Maybe another time. "We're all afraid of something. You're not the only one."

[Petrus Karath]

Petrus leaned into the hug, letting Dove reassure him. "Yeah. I know." He sighed. "That's how Jedi are supposed to be. In control of our emotions, not controlling them. I think that's why for such a long time, I told myself that I was just being prudent, or cautious. But... it was more than that."

He half-turned, looking at her. "Dove... can I ask... what is it that you're afraid of? It's okay if you don't want to tell me." Petrus shrugged. "I just... I don't know."

[Dove Gray]

"There is such a thing as inaction from being too cautious. I might benefit from a bit more caution sometimes," she remarked with some bitterness.

Then he asked her what she was scared of, and it gave her some pause. "You mean like... phobias? Unreasonable things that scare me? Like how some people are scared of spiders and the like? Or... like actual fears?"

[Petrus Karath]

"Yes." Petrus said. "Historically, something the Jedi have had trouble with, I'm pretty sure. So hey, it's not just me." He looked at Dove; he couldn't disagree, since he'd suggested she should be more careful with her own life not so long ago.

He spread his hands, looking at her almost cautiously. "Whatever you're comfortable with. I mean, you don't have to answer at all." He shuddered. "But ugh, spiders, don't remind me. I can't look at cramberries the same way after that."

[Dove Gray]

"Spiders are hardly terrifying," she laughed, "especially those. It's not much they can do against us big ones, except crawl around with their furry little legs. There was a lot of... training, to learn to not be controlled by fear, for me."

She took a deep breath. "Having spent a lot of the day here now, I think I can admit that I really do not like the ocean depths. That much water over my head, not to mention the seamonsters in the deep..." Dove shuddered a little at the thought. "

"But, I think what I fear the most... is capture. Because I know I will last a good while before I will eventually break, as everyone does, and then when I'm broken, I know I will betray everyone I care for and everyone I try to protect." It was sadly the cold, hard, brutal truth of torture. Everyone would break eventually.

[Petrus Karath]

"There are seamonsters down there?" Petrus grimaced, and then chuckled. "Okay, great, now I've got another fear."

His expression turned serious at the real truth. "Huh." He said. "That... makes a lot of sense. And is really similar to mine."

He tilted his head, regarding her seriously. "So... you risk that pretty much constantly. When you were a double agent, pretty much daily. And you still do it. How?" Petrus asked almost plaintively.

[Dove Gray]

Dove's cheeks puffed up slightly as she exhaled a big breath of air. "It was an opportunity I couldn't pass up. Maybe it's just who I am, or my conditioning, but I want to do what I do best, things that other people can't do."

It didn't feel right admitting to Petrus that there was a certain dark thrill in doing this crazy stuff, as she had a feeling that only people in this line of business had such feelings about the wetwork.

"We've seen the Resistance. They're good people, talented people, but no one else had the training, skills, or tools to do what I did. No one else could've gotten all the intel I did, or purposefully mislead the Inquisitor for that long. That means he would've found this Oraka by now, and... well, then we might lose all hope of a possible redemption for them."

[Petrus Karath]

"Huh." Petrus studied her, his expression curious. He knew her well, but sometimes Dove was still a mystery to him.

"So..." He chewed on his lip a few moments. "It sounds like you do it because you're the only one who can. Because other people need you to. I think that's what turned me around, too. I mean, I don't think I'm the only one who can do the things I do, not like Xanna or Qareme or Floats. But I think I'm still needed to stand up and do what's right."

He smiled gently at her. "It sounds like you really believe they can be redeemed, huh?"

[Dove Gray]

"Only you can be Petrus, kid, and that in itself is valuable," she chuckled and patted him on the head again. "And doing the right thing is not an easy thing to do. Most people just go with the easiest thing to do, which is often to do nothing - to not make any choices at all and pretend it's got nothing to do with me, or think themselves above the situation. Or below it."

She'd seen it too often in the galaxy, especially in the shadier circles she'd gone in and out of in relation to her bounty hunting work. But there it was often people just choosing the easier ways that were riddled with consequences down the line. The easy way should be called the way with the least consequences now and the most consequences down the road, at least in Dove's opinion.

"Deciding to choose, and to choose the right thing to do? Now that takes not only courage but heart as well. And you got that aplenty."

There was another intake of air at the question. "I don't know. I don't think it's very likely, but I know it's something you and your friends wish for. Least I can do is to see if it's possible. Do I think the two of them, and the others, should face justice for what they've done? Absolutely. But I'm hardly one to point fingers and judge them, and I can't deny that both of them probably have incredibly valuable intel and use if they change sides."

[Petrus Karath]

Petrus chuckled. "Hey, well, I guess I can't deny that I've got heart. That's something, huh?" Actually, it was a lot. He smiled at Dove, clearly encouraged.

"We do." Petrus said, then frowned. "I gotta wonder... is that some hopefulness on our parts? The idea that maybe even if we, y'know... we could still come back?" He shook his head. "But I don't think we're wrong to hope."

He sighed. "Justice... that's a tricky question. I don't know of any cases where this has happened, not for a long time, anyway." He spread his hands. "I guess we'd have to figure something out. Oraka might know. But first things first."

[Dove Gray]

"First things first," she agreed, "or as Senator Ysaye says; building the ship as we jump to hyperspace."

Dove couldn't deny that there was probably some hopeful thinking for the Jedi-kids. That if they were the ones subjected to torture to become the enemy, that they could be saved somehow. Everyone wanted to be saved from their worst nightmares.

"I trust you guys to find out what to do, if it comes to pass."

[Petrus Karath]

"If it comes to pass." Petrus said, looking out over the ocean. He was silent for a few moments.

Then he cast a smile back at Dove. "Looks like we got that vacation after all, huh? It's not the hot springs, but it is pretty nice. And I did bring my swimsuit." He chuckled; they'd been working hard all day, and were both going to deploy on dangerous missions soon enough.

[Dove Gray]

"Hah, I guess you're right. Not that I got my swimsuit on now though..." she looked out at the sea again. It was much more enjoyable on the surface and in the shallows compared to the depths she had seen Floats work in earlier.

"... Mia is going away. It won't be the same without her," Dove commented after a long silence, her tone low.

[Petrus Karath]

Petrus looked sharply at her, but then just nodded. "You know, I had a feeling. We were talking just the other day. I think she feels like... like there's more out there for her then there is here. We'll see her again sometime. But you're right, it's not gonna be the same. You two rescued me together, and then you've been looking out for me ever since..."

His lips quirked. "You know, when we kick the Imps out of Rygor, and we get apartments next door to each other again... one of us is gonna need to get better at cleaning."

[Dove Gray]

"It ain't gonna be me," she said confidently. Because she knew she could guilt or trick Petrus into doing it for her. "But yeah... we'll meet again. I understand it's important to her to find more like us, to spread the word."

"I'll just have to be a single mom I guess..." Dove gave a dramatic and playful pout as she mourned these new circumstances.

[Petrus Karath]

Petrus sighed dramatically. "Yeah. It's gonna be me, I know. I'm actually pretty good at cleaning, you know."

"Oh, hah." Petrus grinned, leaning over to nudge Dove's elbow with his own. "I think you'll do just fine with the single life. As if you don't already. Especially since I'm pretty sure your son can take care of himself, don't you think?"

[Dove Gray]

She chuckled. "He probably can, but you know kids never stop depending on their mommas. I even have to give him the talk from time to time!" Smiling, Dove rubbed her forehead for a moment. At least talking with Petrus had helped her feel better now, helped her get some focus back for the upcoming mission.

"But you'll do fine, I think. As will I. Life goes on, and we might as well move along too."

[Petrus Karath]

Petrus groaned, but it was clear that he was grinning. "I can't believe we did that. But, uh..." He cleared his throat, reddening. "Thanks. I think I should probably know that stuff."

"We will." Petrus said, sighing pleasantly, turning to look at her. "Both of us. I think Yusander's right when she says that the Force is with us. It really is, you know."

[Dove Gray]

"And here I thought this Force was only good for you Jedis," she remarked with a smirk.

Figuring this was enough time just sitting around, Dove groaned softly as she got back up on her feet. "Alright... still much to do."