Keep Me Hangin' On (D7, LE, Dak's)

[Jurdak Surt]

Dak rolled his eyes at her joke "Ha Ha."

He maintained steady eye contact with her as she spoke and nodded as she spoke "I understand. I'm in.....a tough position because I dont want to pressure you into anything but I also care about you and want to fight for you. I guess why dont you want to do it? Just give it a try?" He asked leaning back against the wall.

[Dove Gray]

Dove leaned her head back, looking up at the ceiling for a good while. Like she had been terrible at apologising, she was also terrible at giving the truth without being hurtful. It's why she so often just veiled herself in smiles and flirty remarks.

"That's just not who I am, Dak. It's not what I do. I live for my duties, for my mission - and you deserve better than someone who could not give you that." And the thought of having to make choices over who to prioritize if she found herself in that position, was like a stone in her stomach.

"You don't understand when I say I am not like you, that my training is not something that Republic would approve of." Earlier she hadn't wanted to elaborate, considering their public venue, but for now at least they had the shelter of the interference-device.

"The reason I've protected Petrus, and these other Jedi so fiercely, is because they have been my mission. The last order I recieved before the senator was captured was to save them. Perhaps it is a strange thing to be aware of, but I am conditioned and learned to be loyal. To the last. Developing such instincts is not something done through coddling. If I at some point would have to choose between you, or any of my missions, the chances are very high I would not choose you, Dak. And I don't want to do that to you."

The undercover mission had put such a great strain on her, she wasn't sure if she could go through something similar again. Or wanted to.

"I like being around with you, talking with someone else who understands the shadowcraft world, and I like working with you. I don't mind the occassional benefits either with eachother, but I'm not someone who is a romantic partner to another. You know how my work is - I sleep around, I flirt, I seduce. That's not admirable qualities in a partner."

[Jurdak Surt]

Dak listened nodding along his expression fairly neutral as she spoke when she finished he took pause for a moment his mind working.

After a few beats he spoke looking Dove in the eyes "I understand what you are saying and I get it you werent just trained you werent just raised you were essentially programmed to be mission oriented."

He took a deep breath looking at the ceiling for a bit "but I just want to know one thing" he paused and looked back to her with an intensity should would have only seen a couple of times before "do you feel anything for me? Anything different from your other friends? I understand what your reasons are but one I didnt hear you say is that you dont feel anything for me."

[Dove Gray]

"Programmed sounds about right, even if it's a term more fitting a droid," she smiled wryly. It was a comparison she had made often herself.

She closed her eyes for a moment as she took a deep breath, her hands reaching out to cup Dak's face gently, her thumbs even brushing over his whiskers for a moment. As she leaned her forehead against his, Dove opened her eyes again. "You matter to me, Dak. I'd be lying if I said you were just the same as the others. Were we not in this world, were I less of what the Maker made me, then I believe I could love you. Because I am fond of you."

There was a small but tender kiss on his lips. "And it's because you mean much to me that I want you to have better than me."

[Jurdak Surt]

He returned the kiss tenderly his eyes met hers as their forehead touched "What if I dont care Dove?" His voice barely above a whisper as his hands found her sides "what if i dont care about all the reasons why not, what if i just care about the reason to be together? I'm not saying itll be easy, I'm not saying itll be normal but I dont think either of us ever expected to have anything normal, not after the life we've lived."

He moved and kissed her cheek "but I feel something for you Dove, something I think can be real. I know I've felt the same feeling coming from you. You dont have to be what they made you to be. You're strong, if you want to you can be more than they ever thought you capable of. They made you to be a tool Dove but you're so much more than that and I'm willing to fight to prove it." He kissed her other cheek.

"I believe in you Dove Gray."

[Dove Gray]

She kissed him again. It was longer and her lips lingered for a while against his.

"You're sweet to say so, Kitten. You'll always be dear to me, and we'll always have these memories - the good and the bad ones alike. But..." Dove brushed his short hair with her nails. "... I'm sorry. But this isn't me."

"I have my loyalties to Senator Ysaye and the faith she has put in me. That must come first. That is who I am, that is what made me your fierce rival, and now ally."

[Jurdak Surt]

With their distance she wouldnt be able to miss the tear form in his eye and disappear quickly into the short fur of his face. But he took a deep breath and no more tears came. Dak nodded squeezing her side lightly his voice had a wavering quality to it as he spoke "I.....wont say I agree with your decision but I'll respect it. I'll always be here Dove, whether you think you're good enough or not I trust my gut and it tells me theres something here. I believe if you let yourself try it, just let go you'll feel it."

He smiled a little and gave her another kiss "When, if, the day comes that you're willing to at least give this a chance I'll be here."

[Dove Gray]

"When, if, that day comes, I will let you know, my darling Kitten," she said with a confident smile and kissed him on the tip of the nose.

[Jurdak Surt]

He chuckled and pulled her in for one more kiss and when they broke he gave her a smile

"One more thing Dove, just food for thought and then we never have to talk about this again unless you bring it up." He paused "I'm not looking for some holo vid romance, getting a house out in the country and having a bundle of kiddos. You have your duty? That's fine for me I understand coming after the mission, monogamy isnt for you? That's ok too, I dont care who you let between your legs I care more about this" he gently touched her head "and this" he placed his hand on her chest over her heart.

"I'm not asking you to go steady and be my girlfriend, I just think maybe we should stick together when we can? Be a rock for eachother when the galaxy gets crazy? Know we care for each other and acknowledge that? Something more than 'just friends' but nothing so formal as romantic partners." He finished with a shrug.

[Dove Gray]

Dove gave him a puzzled look. "I'm not sure I understand, Dak. What you're describing is what friends are. I know for certain that is what my friends are for me. That's what Mia and Petrus have been for me since I became their friend."

She tilted her head as she regarded him. "Does this mean you don't have friends you trust that much, or... is it some guy thing?"

[Jurdak Surt]

Dak shook his head bemused and a little frustrated "I've had friends Dove, I mean it's been mostly me and a few acquaintances for the past few years if I'm honest but I don't know. I dont feel the way about you that I've felt for other friends, even other friends who ive been intimately involved with. I don't know, maybe you're right. Maybe I just want to be with you, a partner, someone to make your life easier when i can, but with out the tethers of a relationship. Maybe I dont know what I'm talking about. Who knows I've been in the military since I was 17 and been doing the spy thing since I was 19. Maybe I'm more messed up than I thought." He said leaning back and a soft thud heard as his head hit the wall.

"I just dont want this to end with Bankor. That much I do know." He said looking back at her.

[Dove Gray]

"We're all pretty messed up in this galaxy. Some of us just more than others." Dove brushed a hand over his head in an affectionate gesture.

"Maybe you should just allow yourself that vulnerability and trust in your friends? Or aren't you that close with people like the Zabrak and your other friends?"

[Jurdak Surt]

Dak shuffled over and if she allowed would pull Dove into a seated cuddle position with his arm wrapped around her "If you mean Daunt then no we arent exactly close, we worked for Crimson Dawn together. Had a decent working relationship but not too much talking about warm fuzzies." He said with a smirk.

"I have people I can talk to if I need to, i just feel like you're first in that list romantically involved or not. You're the person i want to be there if i need someone, not that i cant talk to anyone else but just you are who I get excited the most to see. That doesnt have to change does it?" He asked and after a brief pause "but you're right of course, it couldnt hurt to open up to others."

[Dove Gray]

She let him hold her and she settled in to relax. "No, that doesn't have to change, Dak. Again, friendship is about supporting one another, and being a source of trust and safety."

Dove leaned back into the fuzzy embrace. "I guess Daunt doesn't seem like the close or sharing type, but I could be wrong since I've not been around him that much. What about your other friends? Surely you have some more around?" It was clear she wanted to know who else he considered a friend. Though it was obviously more out of an interest to learn who he was hanging around with and who he could trust, rather than some foolish notion of selfishness or jealousy.

[Jurdak Surt]

He nuzzled in with her as she settled in to him "Daunt is.......interesting. There is good in him but its surrounded by rage and darkness. You can see flashes of it sometimes but....it can get lost. I dont know weve never shared a meaningful friendship but he is close to others." He thought for a minute "Well I have Juri, we've known eachother for a few years shes patched me up more times than I can count, saved my life once or twice. Then i suppose despite the odds i ended up getting along well with that mandalorian Sacha. Astin seems ok but I would hardly call us friends."

He said checking down a list of people that would qualify for a friendship role in his life "Petrus is cool in like a little brother kind of way, he actually does remind me of my little brother Kett a bit." Dak says with a faint smile of remembrance.

[Dove Gray]

"Hmmm..." she didn't have any friends that seemed like that, but those she trusted with the title of friend were people that had earned it in some way. "Yeah, Nurse is nice. Love her eyes, her hair... if I weren't so busy, I'd see if she'd like to fool around for a night." Dove sighed. The Dathomiri lady was really pretty in her eyes.

"I've met Sacha, briefly. Not sure how I feel about people who will never show their faces, to be honest. She seems like a good sort, but hey, for all you know they could be making faces at you all the time, and you'd be none the wiser."

As he called Petrus a little brother, Dove laughed softly. "Hey, that's my kid you're talking about there."

[Jurdak Surt]

Dak raised an eyebrow "Nurse huh? I wonder if she likes that little nickname?" He said with a slight chuckle "but you and me both, maybe we could make it a group activity." He said with a mischievous smile.

"Sacha is good people, I still dont trust mandalorians as a whole but shes proven to be an ok sort." When she said the thing about Petrus he laughed "Well I certainly cant go around with him as a little brother if you're his mother, that would make some of the things we do very wrong indeed." He leaned his head down to kiss her neck to emphasize his point.

[Dove Gray]

"You know me, nicknames are nicknames regardless of what others might feel." Though most of the reason she used nicknames was to avoid eavesdroppers from picking up names of people she wanted to protect. Especially out in the field or in enemy territory.

Dove laughed as the kissing of her neck tickled the skin. "I'm pretty sure that's somebody's kink. But yeah, I guess you could say Mia and I mothered him for some time after we saved him... he was kind of like a sitting duck back on Corellia, poor kid. I saw quite some terrified and shell-shocked kids after the war, but he might've been the one worst off of those I helped."

[Jurdak Surt]

"Everything is someones kink in my experience, speaking of we'll need to dive more into yours sometime." He teased.

As she explained meeting Petrus his expression sobered a bit "Yeah I can only imagine how hard it must have been for him and the other padawans watching these troopers they had befriended and trusted to turn on them. Must've been horrible." He smiled at Dove and gave her a softer more affectionate kiss "I'm glad you were there to help him."

[Dove Gray]

"Damn, I don't even wanna imagine it myself. Being shot at by the ones you've been fighting side by side for years...? That's one of the worst ways to go in a war." Her mood was quickly eased with another kiss and she gave him one in return as well.

"I really hope something like that won't happen here now, with this resistance. It's so young, so fragile, a betrayal could easily kill it in its infancy."

[Jurdak Surt]

Dak sighed "Yeah, yeah it could but hopefully it will never come to that. So far no one I've met is likely to betray us. I would be agenuinely surprised if something like that happened."

"Though the way the jedi are handling some things," he paused "I dont know theres a lot of people not happy with it and I cant necessarily blame them. Dont get me wrong I can't judge but seems like they are certainly getting off pretty easy so far."

[Dove Gray]

Dove rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"I don't blame them either, but it is what it is when it comes to the ex-Inquisitors. Honestly, I think they're worth more alive than dead, as they can provide quite a lot of insight and intel still, at last I think so. And... well, we don't exactly have prisons or penal colonies to put them in. House arrest is the best we got until we figure things out."

She sighed. "Besides, it's a mighty slippery slope once we begin to enforce executions... not even the Republic had death penalties, I think."

[Jurdak Surt]

Dak shrugged "they did, treason was punishable by death, murder could be depending on the circumstances. Based on Republic law Neela would most certainly be put to death. but like I said I'm no one to judge people I'm sure if people knew my past they might call for my head too."

He snuggled into her a bit "Sorry you've probably had to talk about this more than once, I dont want to bore you with the same discussion you've had to have a hundred times." It was the talk of the base in a lot of places.

[Dove Gray]

"Eh, it's fine. Sometimes having it again with a different partner gives a different perspective. But yeah... I'm mostly like you, I ain't gonna start saying that we should put criminals to the guillotine. My list is pretty long with everything from assassination to pickpocketing, so my feathers are a little bit too stained to cast judgement."

She looked up at the ceiling for a moment. Genocide wasn't on her list as far as she knew...

"People like us aren't in a position to judge most folks."

[Jurdak Surt]

"most. True enough." He felt even if he was an assassin a killer for hire he knew he wouldnt cross certain lines knowingly no matter what pressure was applied. He certainly wouldnt do it with the mocking confidence he saw 13 with at the Enclaves.

"Though I dont know how much I trust blaster barrel conversions." Neela had only surrendered to them once all her troopers were dead and she was outnumbered for to one. "Especially when the day before I watched her almost gleefully skewer a mandalorian child right before ordering a second genocide." Dak said evenly.