Unloading the past (EA, D10)

[Djanik]

Djanik brought in the Zero Dawn after his morning sweep of low orbit, looking for survivors. He'd caught a brief nap while in orbit, not feeling ready to join the celebratory mode. He'd needed a little time.

He'd found no survivors, but he had found the body of an old friend, one with whom there had been, and no could never be, reconciliation.

As the landing spikes extended, balancing the ship on the hangar floor, he slid down the internal ladder, opening the access hatch and stepping onto the hangar floor. Then he went to grab a repulsorsled, expression grim.

Pulling out her body, he gently laid it on the utility sled, passing it to the hangar crew.

"This is to go home. If I hear anyone messed with it, they'll answer to me, and they won't like the questions I'm asking, clear?" He lay a datapad with delivery instructions, next of kin information, and a mangled dogtag which still read, "Nora B..." where part of the metal had melted away.

"Goodbye, Nora."

After the hoversled had been taken away, he sat on the ramp to his ship, turning over a melted scrap of metal in his hands, still marked with faintly stenciled letters, "Valkyrie Leader."

[Elaranu]

In the hangar itself, looking almost as haggard as her ship, Elaranu finally had found time to get things together. The ride back to the base had been hell, thrusters cutting off a few times on the descent through the atmosphere. Some parts had come off, and she'd had to make an emergency landing in the water, which had induced a panic attack.

Fortunately the ship had been in shallow water, so she'd managed to get to shore, and send out a crew to drag the New Hope out. She'd passed out on a couch in a lobby, waking up around noon with a headache.

Having looked over her ship, she noticed Djanik taking a body out of his ship and had stopped her inspection to watch; At least he was alive, but it seemed things had been rough for him as well.

[Djanik]

Djanik didn't see her at first as he sat, lost in thought. He looked haggard, his hair rowdy and uncombed, flight suit stained with sweat and grease, gloves hanging from his belt, boot laces loose and untidy.

His helmet sat by his knees, and he seemed to be a combination of exhaustion, relief, and sadness, all wrapped into a single package.

Now, perhaps, more then ever, he seemed defenseless, as if the galaxy were much bigger than him, and truly beyond his control.

[Elaranu]

She walked over, Ela's natural grace making her footsteps as light as always. Going up in front of him, she knelt down wordlessly and started tying his boot laces neatly after tucking her mechanic's gloves into her belt.

[Djanik]

He blinked with surprise, but didn't jerk away.

Glancing down at her, he smiled wearily.

"You really are kind, Elaranu. Keeping me from falling on my face when I finish dwelling on my failings."

Turning over the bit of metal in his hands, he added, softly, "Failings that nearly cost you everything."

[Elaranu]

"You know that was not your fault. And this is not a kindness; Kindness would be actually helping you. This is like... like some sort of instinct to do something for you when I know there is nothing I can say or do to truly help you at the moment."

Boots laced tightly and neatly she stood up, hands folded in front of her.

[Djanik]

"You're wrong... Kisse'lara'nuruodo, you are a kind woman. You saw my troubles and acted... that is a help. Sometimes small acts of kindness carry disproportionate benefit." He still stumbled over her full name, but he was actually close, even though his pronunciation lacked the subtlety of a native speaker.

"And the battle... the leader of the opposition... I trained her." He tapped the metal plate, and said, softly, and a bit mournfully, "This... and that broken body they just took away... they belonged to her. To my rookie."

Holding up the scrap of metal, the remains of a small plaque bolted to the top of a console, the words 'Nora Bek - Valkyrie Leader' still visible on the tarnished and fire scarred surface, he said, softly. "I feel responsible for what became of her. I stayed blind to her feelings and her opinions until it was too late to give her any guidance... too late to spare her this."

Setting down the metal, he added, "It is strange... I understood her so well, it enabled me to destroy her... and yet I cannot feel any great joy in doing so, even though it was a great accomplishment. The only comfort I take is knowing that I was able to protect you and those brave gunners who rode with you... to avoid any more people having to lose their lives..."

Looking up at Elaranu, he added, "It leaves me with questions... questions and a desire to avoid repeating past mistakes."

[Elaranu]

She leaned on a tool cart thoughtfully as she listened. If he'd done something wrong with her name it was hard to read the expression that briefly crossed her face. Still, she listened intently and said nothing until he was done.

"There is nothing wrong with learning from the mistakes of the past to try to create a better future, but dwelling on regrets too much does not help that. Keep your desires for how you want things to be in front of those regrets so you never get lost in them. And, well, do not try to control everything. We can feel like we had chances and could have done more; Believe me, that is how I am with myself. But I have had to learn that the more we try to take in all the variables for a situation, the more likely we are to miss the big picture and forget what is important."

[Djanik]

"That is true."

Tapping his fingers on the metal, he added, "And if I had to do it another dozen times, I'd have stopped Nora from shooting the New Hope as she limped away, every time."

"I realized that, when I found her fighter."

He took a slow breath, and then he said, seemingly out of the blue. "I don't know about the Chiss language, but in old Pantoran, there are different words for love."

Counting on his fingers, he said, softly, "First, there is Lolee, or erotic love. That feeling of passion and desire that so many view as the foundation of romance." A second finger. "Second, there is Malee, or brotherly love, that sense of compassion, of care, for your fellow sentient. The love that drives us to defend a stranger from wild beasts, or to give food to the needy, or even to risk our lives for the innocent.

A third finger. "Finally, there is Kovee, or dutiful love, the foundation of old Pantoran romance."

With a sigh, he added, "That is the love of choice. The decisions made, large and small, to care about the well-being of another - not out of passion, but out of a very intentional choice."

Shaking his head, he said, softly, "I'm curious, if there is any such distinction among your culture... or more precisely, for you."

As tired as he looked, his voice was sincere, a mixture of curiosity and nervousness.

[Elaranu]

That got Ela to purse her lips thoughtfully. And she was silent for a bit before speaking up, "Love... it is such a clumsy word. It is so imprecise. There are many different ways to use it feels like. In Chiss language, such things are defined by relationship. So you might say someone is like a lover to you, or like family, or like a trusted confidant. A person that is close to you may be more than one of these things, and the terms tend to bleed together in terms of endearment."

She tried to think of an example, "...say you have a sibling you are close to. You might say they are your orat, or life sharer. But if they were someone you spent your free time with often and shared interests with but werent close to as a part of your clan or family lives, you might might say they are your riddel, or compatriot. If you were close to them as family AND as a friend, you might call them oraddel. These are terms of endearment that can build up. Friendship, dependency, companionship, sexual relations, partnership... Rather than feelings per say, we accumulate connections, and the closer one is to someone the more types of emotional and social connections they might fulfill for you."

Ela looked at Djanik's eyes, "Honoring someone as one of your bonds conveys the feelings; A Chiss would be thought poorly of if they loosely threw around terms of endearment to people they do not know well, and earning a nickname of that type from a friend or lover is seen as more intimate to a person than a public thing like marriage or dating."

[Djanik]

"I... sort of see."

He gazed at her face, gathering himself, and then said, softly, "I want to understand. I'd like to earn such names for myself."

A faint smile, "You could say it is Lolee, and Kovee both. I choose not to sit by and ignore what I find in myself - not again."

Standing, he brushed himself off, and said, softly, "Kisse'lara'nuruodo, I do not know the Chiss way, where courtship is concerned, but I would like to learn it. If that is objectionable to you, I'd rather you say so now - if not... for now, I only know the Pantoran way, and we do not choose to obfuscate our intentions. I desire to know you - to seek an understanding of if, in the dance of life, we would share a favorable rhythm."

[Elaranu]

She shook her head, "You do not need to worry about earning bonds; You have earned three from me. I just never shared them since I did not believe they would mean anything to an outsider. As far as what you say... do you mean a process for a bond of marriage then?"

If it was objectionable, it didn't show; The question was to the point, but obviously curious.

[Djanik]

Djanik chuckled. "Yes, I suppose so."

Raising an eyebrow, he added, "In Pantoran culture, there is a... period of knowing, that happens. I think that would be the best translation. A time in which questions are asked and answered, and two individuals learn as much of each other as they can. If no objections are found, after that period... they would wed. Perhaps one of those questions, asked and answered, would be what marriage means in Chiss society - to ensure we mean the same thing, even in that. There is so much I would like to know..."

He rubbed at his neck. "You could call it dating, however... it is slightly more intentional. It does keep an end goal in mind."

[Elaranu]

"That sounds agreeable."

A quick answer, apparently all ready.

"I would want to find out much first as well; About you and your people, but also myself and the galaxy at large. That does not mean the exploration of such things cannot be directed towards a goal like that."

[Djanik]

When she gave him that answer, he stepped forward and swept her up in a tight hug.

"Thank you."

Easing back so he could look at her face, he added, softly, "I'm glad... I'm glad you feel I am worth the effort of the questions. I hope together we can find the answers we're both looking for."

Seeming to realize how close he was, he blushed, and added, "Now you see the first ill kept secret. I secretly like to hug."

[Elaranu]

She was blushing purple as well, just a bit on her cheeks, "So I see. ...and of course you are worth the effort; You are my riddnathshar, brave and dependable. That is worth at least some effort I imagine. Even if I imagine the Politburo would never approve of course."

[Djanik]

Riddnathshar...

A word to try to decipher.

Still... smiling broadly, he said, softly, "And you know, the politburo may not be too influential in these parts. I think I'll survive their disapproval."

Giving her another little squeeze, he added, "It's going to be a hard path - I wish I could offer something cleaner... simpler... and less dangerous. Yet... I cannot think of any I'd prefer to share it with. Sometimes the challenging paths are the ones that lead to the most beautiful vistas."

[Elaranu]

Still with the hugging; He had not been kidding. Ela looked away a little, "Do not speak to me of your regrets. If I choose something, it is what it is; My responsibility. You do not need to feel beholden to the difficulties that may come up. ...you are very close."

[Djanik]

"Metaphorically or literally?" He jested, letting go and stepping back.

"I do not mean to imply regret. Rather... I just acknowledge the challenges. In some ways it motivates me to do my utmost." He was sure he must be smiling like a fool. "You deserve no less."

[Elaranu]

"And I did not mean to imply you may not be close if you wish. As long as you are doing your best, I... I suppose I will not mind such things. As you wish.'''

She gave a brief scratch to her cheek as she said this, still looking at something off to the side.

[Dapper Dog]

"Maker, kiss already!" Maxxy called out as she saluted and headed to the Mess.

[Djanik]

Djanik had tried following her gaze, and then the shout came across the hangar, and he flushed deep purple. Whatever witty retort he had shriveled up before he could voice it, and he simply inquired, "What's on your mind?"

He was of half a mind to kiss her, but something seemed to be holding her back.

Perhaps he was missing an obvious signal... he hadn't really done this before. Should he just... go for it?

[Elaranu]

She heard his question, but she was a bit distracted by the shouting, obviously at the two of them. Ela turned back to face him directly with a blink, ''On my... was someone supposed to kiss that woman for some reason? I could help if others have problems with such things."

Ela didn't actually Maxxy... maybe she needed a kiss for some traditional post battle celebration for her people.

[Djanik]

"No, I think she meant for us to kiss. Maxxy likes to watch, for some reason..."

He rubbed the back of his head,still purple in the face. "Which... I mean I'm not exactly experienced in kissing. But I'm willing to receive some tutoring, if you offer lessons." There was a little of his humor, slipping back in.

And then her offer to kiss Maxxy registered, and he trailed off, mentally trying to process that tidbit.

Huh.

[Elaranu]

She tilted her head, processing things herself before she suddenly pulled Djanik towards her, sweeping him into a backwards lean before leaning down to kiss him, holding it.